I rearrange heirlooms inside a hutch
so their beauty can be seen through the glass –
Clear crystal, bone china teacups
with flowers painted on them
along with antique plates passed
down through the generations.
Over and over I arrange the items, much
like how I attempt to organize my life.
So it looks perfect. So it looks just right…
Periodically, thoughts clutter my head
with where I failed and made mistakes.
A feeling of rejection appears from
deep in the recesses of my brain
as I replay a moment with a person
that kicks off a memory of the past.
A tape plays inside my mind
that binds me -
“I can’t be perfect if I’m a failure.”
Instead of moving forward,
I procrastinate. I’m on the fence.
Why risk anymore rejection?
Why reach out to another again?
Fear locks me in.
Giving up altogether
seems like a better choice.
Yes, I’ll just give up until –
A realization dawns as my
heart and mind are challenged
with false beliefs of myself
versus what is real.
Who am I really?
Not what you want me to be.
I don’t need to be perfect
for your validation.
The One who created me
will still love and value me,
even when I make mistakes.
I take a deep breath
And repeat to myself –
“Let my good be good enough,”
as I straighten a picture
on a crooked wall.